I’ve become hyper-aware of my time over the last few weeks Hyper-aware of how much we have, how little we have, and how absolutely and completely up for interpretation time is, by your mind, energy, and perspective.
I am lucky in that my situation has not been very stressful, actually, I have found myself far LESS stressed than our usual, hectic life. I am sleeping deeply and restoratively for the first time since my second son was born over 2.5 years ago. I’ve had an overall feeling of positivity and trust about what this strange time is changing for me, my family and friends, and the world. I am able to be home with my kids while they are not in school, without needing to work from home, and I feel very grateful
I’m a Virgo and (recovering?) moderate perfectionist. Productivity, I am learning, is very tied to my self-worth and personal value. In this time of slowing down, I have found myself oscillating between two primary mindsets–
Making ALL the plans. Workout program? GO! Cut sugar and processed food and alcohol? START TODAY! Organize the house, deep clean, daily walks, reading, connecting with the kids and zero screen time- you get the idea. If it’s available to us at home, I’ve put a goal on it.
In this headspace, I find myself struggling with the kids getting in the way of my goals and plans. If I am successful, I feel accomplished, If not, I am irritated and feel unproductive- and worthless
When I am this waiting place, time freezes. Waiting for naptime to have time to myself to be “productive”, waiting for Shane to come home so he can hang out with the kids and I can sneak away to meditate or exercise or read.
Though the idea of making plans and achieving accomplishments feels good momentarily- I am finding that it is too extreme to have these expectations, especially during a time like this that lacks structure. I am working to balance the momentum and positive surge that making plans and setting goals brings, with the other headspace I’ve found myself in:
A few days a week I have been paralyzed by the lack of “deadlines.” Not going to work? Why get dressed? Who cares if my teeth are brushed before noon? Why do anything?! Laundry can be folded tomorrow! With a deadline, I am amazed at my rate of productivity- deadlines require action! So without that- with this huge open space of time freedom- there have been days that nothing has been accomplished. We’ve watched movies and ate snacks and that is about it.
These days I feel in a funk, uninspired with low energy, motivation. I feel like I am failing at using this time to learn and grow and connect and do all the things. Time somehow manages to pass quickly as I put off what I want to accomplish until later.
These two extremes are not unfamiliar in my “normal” life. I have cycled between lack of motivation and inspiration, and planning-doing-dreaming-goal setting for all of my adult life.
I am feeing very aware of this pattern and using this time to better understand it, so that as normalcy returns, I can find a stronger center, balancing my energy to avoid burnout and stay positive, motivated, and healthy.
Right now the things that are working to bring my into center are
-Eating a vegan, Whole Foods diet with minimal sugar (trust me, I’ve tried out the opposite!) Cooking at home has been very rewarding and I am looking forward to carrying that into our life moving forward
-Moving my body everyday. Walking, playing with the kids, and home workout videos have been essential!
-Breathwork. I am LOVING breath work prior to my meditations. It brings so much clarity and calm into my body and it’s a FAST reset! Try the Wim Hoff method HERE.
-Meditation. Whatever works for you! I am trained in Transcendental Meditation so I naturally gravitate to that style, but guided meditations, mindfulness, or using a mantra are amazing ways to quiet your mind.
-Journaling. There has been so much natural self-reflection over the last few weeks, it is so valuable to document your process by writing it all down and deeply exploring the ideas and thoughts that are coming to you. I love to journal after a meditation to solidify the thoughts and ideas I had while in a clear headspace.
I am working to prioritize these things, even when time feels tight. Realizing that a bedtime routine of taking a bath, listening to a podcast, and doing some breathwork/ meditation/ journaling puts me in an awesome mindset has taken the pull away from plopping on the couch to Pinterest and watch mindless TV after the kids are in bed.
Small changes to stay out of the extremes, and a lot of self-reflection are the theme of my week!
What are you working on?
photo credit innerhue.com